Yachiru's fury
by starlightwraith
Summary: I own nothing. Funny one-shot. When Renji and Byakuya try to have a little make-out session, little do they know that a certain pink-haired shinigami is watching. A certain pink haired shinigami who has claimed Byakuya for herself. A certain pink-haired shinigami who does not handle "two-timing" lightly. Byaren. Please review.


Yachiru Kusajishi was jealous. She was very very jealous.

Yachiru wasn't the type to feel jealous often. She didn't have much to feel jealous about. As long as she had Kenpachi and a puchfull of sweets, she usually felt quite buttered up and had no room for negative emotions. She was simple that way. And as the youngest Soul Reaper in the history of the seireitei, she was treated by everybody as a sort of beloved pet and therefore had ample wiggle room to participate in her trademark hijinks. And there wasn't a single "Cutest Lieutenant" weekly poll that she was yet to win.

But lately, not even seven bags of candy wasn't enough to kill the flames of envy roaring in her heart. And that was saying something. She had felt so muddy and sulky that even Kenpachi had noticed her change of behavior and asked her what was wrong. She said nothing. She didn't want to feel stupid.

The reason Yachiru was feeling so upset was because she was jealous. Jealous of Renji Abarai.

Ever since he had joined Kenpachi Zaraki in the ranks of captain, Yachiru always felt her heart skip a beat when she saw Byakuya Kuchiki, head of the Kuchiki clan. What with his clear, silver eyes and jet black hair, he was quite the apple of her eye. Of course, being the age she was the Little Lieutenant was yet to realize her feelings for the captain of squad 6 as a schoolgirl crush. Rather, she had no idea how to react to the adrenaline rush in her face whenever she saw the strong, stern faced captain walk by Kenpachi (while she was on his shoulder) and after some careful consideraion, decided to manifest them in the form of breaking into his house. She had become somewhat addicted to the funny feeling that she felt whenever he looked at her and after two decades, she was a full on junkie. And every time, she saw Byakuya's displeased expression as she whizzed past him on her scooter or when he caught her raiding his fridge, she felt like she was in heaven.

Sometime after this, she had Rangiku Matsumoto, a fellow lieutenant refer to Yachiru as "Our Byakuya's girlfriend" Upon asking her to elaborate, another Lieutenant, Nanao Ise had cut her off with a scary face. So Yachiru had to go and ask her fifth seat, Yumichika. He liked being pretty and Rangiku had referred to what she and Byakuya had as "beautiful"

The fifth seat's face turned the same color as his turtleneck when the pinkette politely asked him.

"Well, traditionally...a girlfriend...is someone who...spends time...with a boy-or a girl (I won't have you buying into heteronormativity) and she spends more time with that boy-or girl...and does...things...with them...that they don't ...do with others. Does this make sense to you?"

With each passing word, the vice captain's face had gotten more and more bright until Yumichika thought he would damage his eyesight if he didn't look away.

"I spend time with Byakki!" She thought, giddily.

"I do things with Byakki like break into his house that I don't do with anybody else"

"So... I am Byakki's girlfriend!"

And so began a secret, one-sided love affair between lieutenant and captain that existed only in the heart of a naiive little girl.

For many years, Yachiru relished the fact that she was Byakuya's "girlfriend"

-Until Renji came along.

It was a beautiful day in the soul society when Yachiru decided to vist Byakki

That is. Until she actually got there.

The whole trip, the bubble-gum pink-haired soul reaper was happily anticipating the look on her "boyfriend's" face when she arrived in his house and swang around on his new chandelier. She was so excited! She couldn't wait! Her spirits couldn't have been higher if she was sitting on Kenpachi's shoulders. She would sneak through the window of his bedroom! That would give him a nice surprise in the morning!

Then she actually got to the manor. When she peered in, she was very confused.

Why was Byakki sitting on his lieutenant's lap? And why wasn't pineapple-head's hair in a pineapple? Why was it pulled down all over his face? It made him look like a girl! And why was pineapple head not wearing a shirt? And what was Byakki doing on Pineapple head's lap?Did he have something in his eye? Was pineapple head checking to see if there was something so he could get it out? Maybe Pinapple head should tie his hair back. Then maybe he might get a clearer look. Pineapple sure had slippery fingers. He kept moving his hands all over Byakki, trying to get a firm grip. But why was Pineapple making wierd noises like he was meowing like a kitten?

Yachiru gasped. And icy frost of realization crept through her, paralysing her body. She knew what Byakki and Pineapple were doing. Yumi had told her about it. Right brfore Kenny got mad and called him a purvurt (she didn't know what 'purvurt' meant though) But right before Yun-yun had ran off, screaming, he had told her that when two people were in love they put their mouths together. That was the super duper most ultimate sign of being boyfriend and girlfriend. And now Byakki was doing it with Pineapple-head-who was a boy!

The thin-icy realization within the lieutenant slowly turned into molten fury as she wondered why her "boyfriend" was putting his mouth against _another man_ when he hadn't even touched mouths with his girlfriend?! _That wasn't fair!_ Why was Byakki putting his mouth against _another man_ when he wouldn't even do it with her? He had never even asked her! That wasn't fair at all!

The normally innocent face of the pint-sized soul-reaper curdled with rage and malice as her spiritual pressure skyrocketed through that roof and shattered the window she was peering through into a thousand pieces. The loud clatter of the glass was enough to tear the Squad 6 Captain and his lieutenant away from each other and look towards her. When they saw the eleventh division fukutaicho's sinister expression, they recoiled in embarrassment.

"Vi-Vice captain Kusajishi!" Stammered Renji as he fumbled about to put on his shihakusho (which had been carelessly strewn on the floor)

"W-What are you doing here!?"

" **No!** " Thundered Yachiru.

"What are _you_ doing with my boyfriend?"

A puzzled expression appeared on Renji's face as he turned to his captain, in the hope of an explanation. Surely, Byakuya wasn't a-

"You are not making any sense in the slightest" responded Captain Kuchiki, his monotonous expression regained.

"You and I are certainly not boyfriend and girlfriend. I do not know who gave you the assumption that that was an appropriate term form our relationship, but it is platonic to say the most. What I do in my house is none of your concern and I would greatly appreciate your silence about this little incident and your refusal to share your discovery with the rest of the 13 court guard-"

"You. Are. My. BOYFRIEND!" Shrieked Yachiru. At this time, her spiritual pressure had manifested into a pink cat's face which was hissing and spittign like it had rabies.

"And you. Kissed. PINEAPPLE! NOW. I'M. ANGRY!"

...

By the time Yachiru had calmed down, Byakuya's hair accessories had been torn out (along with a considerable amount of hair) and dashed against the floor, Renji had bruises on every inch of his body and a groin that ached like he had put it in a wood chipper, and the entire Kuchiki estate gave off the impression that a tornado had ripped through it. The shock of witnessing Byakuya and Renji kissing had apparently driven Yachiru into a frenzy in which she had first assaulted her self-proclaimed lover and his vice-captain, ran all through the house shattering every window with her spiritual pressure, terrorized the servants by biting their heads, strangled all of the fish in the koi-pond, and climbed all the Kuchiki cherry trees and crammed so many bunches of blossoms into her mouth, that they made one think of a man whose hair was falling out in clumps. After what felt like hours of trying to negotiate with her, Nyakuya was forced to send a hell butterfly for help.

Unfortunately, his message was so urgent and desperate, that it blew the severity of the situation a tad bit out of proportion and as a result, every single captain of the gotei-13 had come over, including the head captain, Yamamoto. And yet Byakuya might still have been able to save himself some face had the little terrorist not been desperate to express her heartbreak and revealed boy-on-boy action she had borne witness to, too every body from on top of a Sakura tree. And that was how all twelve other captains, plus their lieutenants plus their seated officers were introduced to the knowledge that the Squad 6 captain, Byakuya Kuchiki was in an illicit sexual relationship with his subordinate.

Fortunately, among these captains was the little demon's own. And the moment, he entered her field of vision, she immediately forgot all about her heartbreak and hurled herself into his arms with a squeal. After that, Kenpachi Zaraki managed to escort her off the premises without too much hustle-hassle (under normal circumstances, he might have taken advantage of the situation to insinuate a battle between them, but even a Kenpachi has a point of humiliation and it had been reached)


End file.
